He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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