$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
