sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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