you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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