I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
