I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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