After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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