Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
