How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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