Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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