Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
