His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
