I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
