The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
