I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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