I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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