I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
