Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
