Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.

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(954): View more from Florida

i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour

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(217): View more from Illinois

she looks like luggage that fell from a plane

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?

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(301): View more from Maryland

just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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(214): View more from Texas

You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner

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(905): View more from Ontario

don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.

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