I wish I could teleport
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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