And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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