Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
how does that bad decision feel?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
