so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
