just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just high enough for therapy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
