oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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