no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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