I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
