how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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