I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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