I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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