I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
