We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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