My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
