I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
