Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize