I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
