Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
