Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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