Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
