I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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