You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
