I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
