I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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