Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
