I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
