So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
