And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
