You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize