I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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