After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
