Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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