so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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