i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
