He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
