How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
