Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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