Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
