He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How naked do you want me to be?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
