So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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