i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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