Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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