Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
