I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
