I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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