I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
