how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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