I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
