you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
