He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
