don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
