I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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