Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
