That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
