i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
