there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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