Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
