i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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