I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
