the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
